Himeros

A part of us cowers
A part of us lingers
A part of us wonders
What happened and how
Did we get so much blood on our fingers

A part of us pushing
A part of us pulling
A part of us hoping
That part of our heart
With our words, we’re successfully fooling

A part of us pummels
A part of us gripping
A part of us standing
Like feet made of ice
As we try to move on without slipping

A part of us breaking
A part of us lying
A part of us holding
The dream of a dream
While the fire inside us is dying

A part of us killing
A part of us keeping
A part of us wishing
The strings of our hearts
Weren’t sad and so silently weeping

A part of us wanting
A part of us needing
A part of us saying
So much that it hurts
But it’s hard to hard to explain why we’re bleeding

A part of us writing
A part of us praying
A part of us thinking
“If only I knew
How to say what my lips aren’t saying”

A part of us mourning
A part of us trying
A part of us tired
And wishing to just
Say goodbye without feeling like crying

Substance

Do we travel lightly
In the passage of a world that seeks to bury us?

Do we weigh our fortune
On the boat as cold Charron would seek to ferry us

There to new horizons that are desolate and fading
That are pulling us to waters dark where souls are left to wading
And there’s no one there to hold or carry us?

Do we question reason
When it’s sold as but a vestige we can quaintly drink?

Do we carry brightly all our carrion convictions
As if flickers in the caverns where our blessings sink?

Do we offer gently
Of our hearts like dandelions in the winding wind?

Do we walk a passage
To the places that we end, or back where we begin?

Do we promise truly of a self that isn’t honest
In a world where every night is just a day we give as homage
Like a guarantee we know that we’ll rescind

Do we, absent reason,
Hold the torch of old lament as if an answer true?

Do we choose to carry imperfection moving forward
Or do we merely look at our reflections and say, “Who the fuck are you?”

Denotation

So maybe vowels were plucked as petals
Left to scatter in the breeze of woe
Landing soft as silhouettes
In alleys dark where time forgets
Which way it came and where it’s meant to go

And lying low like commas waiting
In between the words of now and then
Biding time as if a thief
Where nights are long and days are brief
And where becomes a trade we made for when

But consonants were placed in kettles
Waiting for a flame that never showed
Holding in tomorrow’s song
And whispering, “It won’t be long,”
Like thoughts of rain for seeds we never sowed

And trickling like dots of maybe
Like the last ellipsis of the day
Bound as if an echo cast
Of which, we hope, is not the last
While periods we place as if they’re flowers on the graves of what we say

Directory – Pt. 2

Part 1


“You can keep going with this woo-woo mystical bullshit if you want, but no one’s buying it.”

“Well that’s handy, ‘cuz I ain’t fucking sellin’ it. It’s a fuckin’ fact. Snatch. Guy Ritchie. No?”

“You think this is some kind of game?”

“I do.”

“Yeah, well, it isn’t.”

“Sure it is. You’re just pissed because you’re losing. And you’re losing because you don’t know the rules. And you don’t know the rules because you won’t accept that it’s a game.”

“Yeah, well, looks like we fuckin’ gotcha doesn’t it? Or you just biding your time? Planning your great escape?”

“Says the guard with a wooden baton to Magneto in the plastic prison.”

“Keep it up, tough guy.”

“Notice you’re not wearing your badge. Must have forgotten it, huh?”

“How’s this for a fucking badge?”

“Looks more like a gun. And you look like too big a pussy to use it.”


The rain is a meteor shower. Life is a tidal wave of red and white and green and yellow.

The world is streaks of color that yell out like angry geese with megaphones.

He’s screaming, “Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.” in his mind while his lips are silent – hands gripping the steering wheel like a gun-lobbyist on Christian morals. He’s frantic. The world a blur. Letters zip by, half-obscured by rain and dark, by the glare of street lamps where the insects of the night flock like Johns to brothels – like prayers to God…like rain to the pavement.

The rotation of blue and red and white like the star-spangled banner is playing in color is like a floating apparition in his world. It’s screaming at him like a harpy that’s being gutted. It’s a cat with a bullhorn in its mouth. It’s the exclamation at the end of the sentence that once said, “Shit always goes sideways. You can’t plan for it. All you can do is adapt.”

He’s thinking back to that night. The night she brought him the list.

“The fuck is this?” he asked.

“You need…” she looked so sad and he didn’t understand why. Maybe he never really did. Maybe he never really would. “There’s a lot that you need to have right and…” she looked away and sighed. She looked so tired but he was the one that felt like he needed a small coma. “Just memorize it, okay? Just…you need to know the words.”

“I don’t even believe in this shit. You know that right?” he said.

“It doesn’t…” she started to say.

“I swear,” he interrupted, “if you say some shit that’s akin to ‘Even if you don’t believe in God, he believes in you’ line, I’m gonna vomit. Like…seriously. I’ll fucking vomit.”

She looked so sad. Why did she look like that?

She shoved the paper into his hand and looked up with those doleful eyes. Those eyes that said they’d seen too much and yet never seen half of what they’d wanted. Those eyes that were begging him to do what he needed to do and yet seemed to say, “I’m sorry. I’m so…so…sorry…”

He took it with a shrug and said, “What the fuck ever…”

It rained blood that night.

At least that’s what he saw.

“You’ll do things you never imagined.”

“You’ll do things that you wish you never had to do.”

“You’ll do things that, right now…in this moment…you would say you’d never do. But you’ll find yourself facing them like a broken mirror. You’ll have to choose which shard of glass to use as your truth.”

Letters and numbers flashed by like hieroglyphics in warp speed. He could hear the wail of America’s finest in pursuit while he tried to get his bearings.

He needed time to focus. He needed time to sort things out.

He needed time.

He needed time.

He swerved by a car that was taxi yellow, whether by mistake or by occupation, he couldn’t tell in a world where speed limits were suggestions and repercussions were theories. He saw it with clarity then. He almost grinned as he did.

Metal met with metal. Fiberglass warped and cracked. Glass erupted like a volcano of bad endings in every daydreamer’s worst nightmare.

His head moved forward with the urgency of life running from death and landing squarely in its embrace. His head like a melon as it struck the steering wheel, warping his skull and face like putty wrapped around a stick-figure frame of popsicle sticks.

In his eyes, he saw starlight even as the impact made the passersby suddenly shift backward like a bomb had gone off at their very feet.

He almost laughed at the irony.

Dissolution

I know goodbye is hard to say
I know because it’s also hard to hear
I’m not demanding guarantees
Or fifty-one apologies
To see you crying on your knees
But if you don’t intend to stay
Perhaps a word or two to make it clear

I know farewell’s a heavy phrase
I know because I’ve had to say it too
It’s like a glove that’s thistle filled
A piece of hope we know we killed
The ending bleak that we revealed
I’d never wish it on your days
But if it must be said, then say it true

I know that leaving leaves a mark
I know because I wear enough for two
It’s like a wish we ribbon cut
A door of woe that’s hard to shut
Like why is in a war with what
So leave me not within the dark
Or hide behind, “It’s me, it isn’t you…”

I know departure numbs the soul
I know because my own feels like it’s led
I don’t expect a letter penned
That tries to promise “Still a friend”
But whispers softly “It’s the end”
So, if the bell you mean to toll
I beg you, put my hopeful heart to bed

Take

A penny
Nickel
Dime
A dollar
Take it

Take it and another
Take it now before some other
Wants to take it
Take it all
And ask for more

A moment
Minute
Day
A season
Take it

Take it like I owe you
Half the world I couldn’t show you
And then tell me
I’ve so little
You adore

My smile
Laughter
Joy
And wonder
Take it

Take them all together
Take my past and my forever
And then leave me
When you see
An empty core

My virtue
Value
Heart
And heaven
Take it

Take them like a kidney
Ask me, “What more can you give me?”
And then say
“It’s not enough
It never was
It never will be,
That’s for sure.”

Adieu

You once
Drank
From the part of my
Dark
Blank
Shriveled heart and I
Once shrank
From the garden
That you grew

You once
Sang
Me a lullaby
Bells
Rang
In a shuttered sky
Soft fangs
In the pardon
You withdrew

You once
Told
Me I have a chance
Words
Cold
As an avalanche
Fool’s gold
In the hardened
Lands of blue

You once
Led
Me into a place
Fears
Bled
From a loving face
Tears shed
And departed
With adieu