Bend


I’ve chosen not to speak
So that I never need to hope or act surprised
Or reassess, by days and weeks
The “what” I said, the “hows and whys”
The meanings as interpreted
Or if a single word I said
Was seen and just unworthy of reply

I’ve chosen not to move
So that I never need to possibly believe
There’ll be a way that doesn’t lose
The very thing I can’t retrieve
The yesterday that wasn’t real
It’s like a wound that doesn’t heal
And words are still the cure I don’t receive

I’ve chosen not to look
So that I never need to see if it’s the end
Or if the very road I took
Was but a dream that I pretend
Was leading up and far away
Instead of down to hear you say
“You’ll break before I ever choose to bend”

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A little more, a little less
Your smile sly, and silver pressed
As much as I, with such duress,
Would give in word or touch or breath
This final moment clutched abreast
Those bitter wars and brittle tests
That never were enough to wrest

From you a healing glow
A hint of sun beyond the clouds to show
Where shadows weep and grow
And still compared to this
The loss of bliss
Is hell so relegated, to be still the weaker foe

For never less, and ever more
Your smile soft, forever sure
As much as I, who thus adores
And always has, the touch of yours
As water runs to clutch the shore
My letters sent, but never pure
So better meant, but never swore

Though surely, now you know
Your heart a gift, and so your words, a bow
And days without are low
When they’re compared to this
Enduring bliss
And heaven feels like second place compared to anywhere with you I go

Statuary


What if I could stand as still as stone
As pale as bone
Here all alone
Would you then see me as I am
Or would I stand
Forever in a land where light had never shone?

What if I could be your quiet guard
Your singing bard
With knuckles scarred
Would you then choose to finally see
And offer me
The you I always see in dreams that you have starred?

What if I could hold a single pose
Any you chose
Forever froze
Would I become worthy to hold
Be seen as bold
Or merely seen as cold, a perch for dying crows?

What if I could speak and you’d reply
Or even try
A simple “hi”
Would I then find the thing I seek
Or, standing meek,
Continue feeling weak and asking, “What if you were breath, and I was but a sigh?”

Reduce


You’re gone, and then you’re back again
You’re back, and then you’re gone
Reduce your words by lacking pen
The hourglass you fractured then
But swirling grains of you, I’ve seen before, they never linger long

You’re smiling, and then you frown
You’re laughing, then you cry
Reduce your presence and your sound
I search for clues upon the ground
This swirling hurricane of you, assures me I’m a fool to try

You’re silent, then you raise your voice
You talk, then lose your tongue
Reduce your given praise of choice
A message I, in pain, rejoice
This swirling paradox of you are songs I should’ve never sung

You’re open, then you close a door
You’re back, but never here
Reduce the light you showed before
Til I can see there’s snow in store
The swirling thoughts of you become a blizzard wherein nothing seen is clear
Reducing visibility until, there in the white, I disappear

Coin


This coin has, long ago, been stripped of pride
Left circling above for days
In orbit of a wishing well
The face upon the front – a kneeling man who seeks to pray
The back – a finger pressed to lips with words that say, “I’ll never tell”
And all the while, still I hoped to see it land upon its side

Or else behold it taken by a bird
Who either came to steal my luck
Or else to save me from its sting
To doom me with the feeling I’d remain forever stuck
Or else to give me cause to hope a better coin it meant to bring
And all the while, yes and no were both same – forbidden words

Eventually, the coin, it met the ground
It struck and then it ricocheted
It bounced and then began to roll
I chased it from a distance out of fear for what it’d say
But followed all the same because in truth, it was the final toll
Of passage and of mourning bells I knew, one day, would have to sound

And there I saw it slow and finally stop
Beside a painting faded gray
That not a soul would ever sell
The image of a kneeling man who knew not what to say
His eyes afraid to open as he tossed a coin into a well
And both of us, together, waited silently for both our coins to drop

Live


Though oft I’ve felt that truly I have nothing left to give
That life’s an empty box that has ever closing lid
And all I have are dark reminders of the wretched things I did
I choose to live

Though oft I’ve seen my better moments draining through the sieve
Of frailty, fear, and fumbles that I try, but fail to rid
And though, for all the candles burning, shadows, still, are cast amid
I choose to live

Though oft I feel I’ve only matches when I need a bridge
And friend so often means a face that soon farewell will bid
And as I try to higher climb, you only see how far I slid
I choose to live

And though I’ve failures yet to come that many won’t forgive
And though I know my scars will never be forever hid
And though my best, to some, will still be met and married with “forbid”
I choose to live
I choose to live


Inspired by a line from “Gravity” by A Perfect Circle

Add


“Take, then, what you will.”
“I will,” you said
“Until there’s naught but nil
And gone and dead and stopped and still
Are all the thoughts you thought would fill
The glass that is your empty heart
So never shall it hope to spill.”

“Take, then, what you would.”
“I would,” you said
“More than I ever should
And by your hand, you sever good
Where my endeavor never could
Repair the fragments of your heart
I heard but never understood.”

“Take, then, what you must.”
“I must,” you said
“Until there’s only dust
And all you have are lonely gusts
Of wind now sewing cold disgust
Within your frail and fading heart
Where yesterday was slowly crushed.”

“Take all that I had,”
“I have,” you said
“The happy and the sad
The meaning, mourning, and the mad
The gleaming, gloom, and all the glad
From this, your gray and idle heart
And nothing, evermore, shall ever add.”