I cannot disappoint you if I go
If all I leave are dying fields
And flowers ever snow concealed
Then pain, because of me, you’ll never know

I cannot hurt your feelings if I leave
If all that’s left are empty frames
Where pictures were, but none remain
Then tears behind your eyes I’ll never weave

I cannot make you cry if I depart
If all the words just disappear
So it’s like I was never here
Then numb to me would be your beating heart

I cannot hold you down if I move on
If I submit and walk away
And just agree there’s naught to say
Except, “I was a fool to stay.”
I cannot disappoint you if I’m gone.


Division like a fraction
And derision post attraction
Where collision’s satisfaction
Builds a bridge in putrefaction
Like a pact

That litters what I treasure
Takes the glitter and the pleasure
Till it’s bitterness I measure
In the iterating pressure
Glowing black

Affliction slowly rising
An addiction now reprising
With your lips in cold despising
So this sick apologizing
I redact

Conditions always leaning
On suspicions half demeaning
From admissions lent to screaming
With a kiss and a convening
Your position and your meaning
I subtract


Perhaps, it was by magic I awoke
Your words like an alarm upon my slumber when you spoke
A dream, the siren broke
A flare that shuddered through the smog and through the smoke

And glowed beneath my half-awakened mind
Like sun in but a sliver from the curtain it’s behind
That still I knew to find
Beneath the lidded eyes where consciousness was blind

And so I thought to call upon your name
To wonder if your living thoughts had offered you the same
Or would I just exclaim
And wait for words where even echoes never came?

But at your altar, still a coin I placed
If only to remind you, when you’ve fled, I’ve always chased
With words that should’ve raced
But never did at such a pace to see you there for but a moment, lunar-traced


I wandered through your spiral web
With wings not so unlike a moth would wear
And holding little seashells to my ear I heard the rise and ebb
So like a tired ocean in despair

That cast a calming cadence down
Upon the shores of flesh along the spine
Like feathers falling softly where the rain sat like a melting crown
Upon a countenance that knew decline

With lips now resting bloody wet
From dining still on what was lacking taste
The residue like love and loss and loathing and of deep regret
For all I never failed to wholly chase

Beyond your lonely shadow pale
Where wings had long abandoned any might
I followed through the gossamer that offered but an ending trail
And traded, to forget, the dream of flight


I woke to crimson clovers
Like a wreath about your neck
And asked, “Why does the darkness eat the fog?
And when it’s truly over
Shall we to its call and beck
Go trade beginning tales for lonely epilogues?”

And fastened to your collar
As if ivy round a broach
Your curling fingers like a setting sun
But somehow so much smaller
Glaring now at my approach
A fire set upon the blackest road to stun

I lingered in the falseness
Like a leaf there in the mist
And asked, “When did we yield to circumstance?
With lyrics leaning thoughtless
Offered like the devil’s kiss,
And eyes departing with the promise of a dance?”

And set within your tresses
Like a fragment of a star
The last embrace of some forgotten care
That no longer impresses
Yet it left behind a scar
That tells a story of a loss you dread to share


What beauty belies
In the crest of her cries
In the depths of her heart
As it lept with goodbyes
On her lips and her sighs
As she chose to depart
In tempestuous skies
Where the reason for wings met a now failing wind

And there, in her stead
Did I hope to be led
By the warmth of her touch
And the words that she said
As if hell was a bed
That I wanted so much
That to heaven I pled
Every word that I uttered, I wish to rescind

What majesty grows
In her smile that glows
In the solace she brings
When my sadness arose
In these eyes that I close
When the apathy stings
In the light that she shows
And my shadow, the ways that I’ve faltered and sinned

But, ‘lo, do I wait
At her still hidden gate
As if time is a key
And my words weren’t late
And I knew not of fate
And believed I could be
Something more than a weight
On a heart that I know that my words and my actions have thinned



The day she left
I held my breath
And told myself she wasn’t really gone

Or else she was
It’s what she does
But then, she never leaves for very long

But winter came
And she was rain
And this was now a land that offered frost

I watched the snow
And held hello
Beneath the words my lips had never lost

The day I knew
Her loss was true
I told myself to hope that I was wrong

I know I’m not
And so, distraught,
I tell myself she’s not the sun, with tearful eyes that yearn to see the dawn