Woes

Her words are like a trumpet ringing clear
I hold them, oh, I hold them, like it’s heaven in my ear
And try, my god I try, to answer clear
But words are like a drop of rain
They fall and land, but don’t remain
And what they could have been…it doesn’t matter…they just disappear

And still, I try to speak them all the same
While fearing they’ll be heard, but lack the strength to thus remain
I say them as if words could make me sane
And yet they never seem to hold
The light you need when life is cold
And so I see you shiver and the only thing I know to feel is shame

Her words are like a beacon in the sea
I follow, oh, I follow, like they’re only meant for me
And so I tell myself I have a key
That promises an avenue
Where you and I are me and you
And hold, do I, illusions of a world where me and you are truly we

And disregard the chasms and the crows
I wrap my arms around the highs and try to disregard the lows
And seal your name in rhymes and written prose
That never really mean as much
As but a fragment of your touch
And still, my goddess, still, I wish my words could simply wash away your woes

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Probity

I watched her walk away in fields of flowers
And still I had to ask myself, but why, and where, to whom now does she go?
I drank the seconds, smoked the minutes, and consumed the hours
And, even now, I fear I’ll never know

Where treading, no, she never left directions
And so I looked for symptoms like a sickness in a world that wasn’t ill
As if a hunter lost within a land of false connections
Or an addict looking for another pill

I watched her walk away but couldn’t follow
And not because I wouldn’t or I couldn’t, or I feared the trail ahead
I simply tried to fill the parts of me she left so hollow
And maps could never tell me where she led

Perhaps she flew or swam across an ocean
And left me, as so many have, and many more will likely seek to do
For even as I pen the words imbued with much emotion
I wonder just how much of it is ever really true

Intimation

I’m blind and so I blink
I’m bored and so I drink
I’ve not a word to say
And so I write them all in ink

I’m empty so I take
I’ve naught and so I make
I’ve not forgotten much
And so myself I must forsake

I’m numb and so I feel
I’ve much and so I steal
I’m cutting into veins
So I can tell you how to heal

I’m lost and so I wait
I’m luck deciding fate
I’ve so much to destroy
And so I need you to create

I’m yearning, so I say
I’ve nothing to relay
I’m offering you wings
Because I cannot fly away

I’m breaking and it shows
I’ve sacrificed repose
I’m giving up so you
Don’t have to see how the far the darkness truly goes

 

Sonata

I rested there inside
A normal day to be mundanely tied
With all the elements of home
Complete yet skewed as if a song I knew was playing in a different tone

And suddenly, well, there you were
As clear as day and just as sure
And in a chair I’ve never seen before is where you sat
And just as casual as summer days, we chose to try to chat

The how are you and how’ve you been
The surface layer whats and whens
The gentle arc of friends who always meant to meet
The slow facade of calm when there were surely sirens screaming in the street

And soon, I lay upon my bed
Compelled to follow anywhere the conversation led
And then you rose and closer came as if at my behest
You sat beside me and upon your lap I lay my head to rest

And suddenly, our words seemed very thin
For both we had a story that we struggled to begin
So silence did we share a while, then a while more
Choosing to delay the road we hope to walk but feared to go explore

You chuckled and the silence broke
And quizzically I looked at you until you finally spoke
A fragment of a song I played
And played because it made me think of how you could have never stayed

And all I did was smile like a fool and say, “You know
I played it twice as much because the pain was softer than the letting go…”
You offered up a, “Hmmm” and so I answered with a kiss
But then I woke and you had turned to only mist

And strange, I thought it was, to dream
So far from then a now that still remembered what you mean
But all the same, I wake and choose to play
A song that still reminds me of how hard it was to finally walk away


First Dream, Second Dream, Third Dream, Fourth Dream

Aphelion

In the night I cannot see your eyes
So drunk on metaphors I wonder if I know your name at all
The stars are needles begging veins to rise
So many wordless definitions I don’t know which one I can’t recall

In the light, I cannot see your frown
So caught up writing eulogies I never got to see you live
The dawn was like a choir life had drown
So many notes submerged that there were only ever waves that I could give

In the end, I cannot see you cry
So worn out from the synonyms that never said a thing
An ocean made of wishes running dry
So many fingers broken for the right to wear another copper ring

At the start, I didn’t see you there
So busy writing elegies for what tomorrow wouldn’t hold
A truth that was afraid of every dare
So many answers given just to hide away the ones I never told

Tidings

Do you imagine there’s a world where you and I are talking still?
Where messages appear
And so we press them to an ear
And to our heart and to our feelings
Like they’re stars reflecting light upon the ceiling
And the things I never got a chance to say to you I finally did reveal?

Do you believe there’ll be a day where you and I will speak again?
Where one of will send
Like a reminder from a friend
The sentiment of, “If you’re crying,
Or you’re happy, or inside you’re slowly dying
I was there for you before and I can promise I’ll be there for you again.”

Do you imagine there’s a world where I can finally say how sorry that I am?
Where every major fault
I hadn’t hidden in a vault
And I could say what I was hiding
And believe it wouldn’t be so damn dividing
And the truth I could’ve given as a stream instead of just another dam?

Do you, I wonder, happen by and read the words I write and always will?
The ones forever tilting
From a soul forever wilting
In the absence I created?
And if so, I hope you know, I’ve always waited
And imagined we would speak again for hopeful was the way you made me feel.

Answers

No answers here and truly, none shall be here anymore
And still, I’m drinking oceans for the shells along the shore
A cheap metal detector looking for a golden score
My fingers on the residue I wish I could ignore
But at the bottom, only two versions of two and two are four

I race along the apertures I made to leave behind
Where vis-a-vis and que sera sera are intertwined
Like words that gave an answer that I hoped you wouldn’t find
And eyelids try to close so that, to truth, I could be blind
Because I spoke a million words, but never really spoke my mind

The answers fail as surely as the bottle where I sought
New answers for a problem old I never should have bought
And looking, starry-eyed, at every lesson that was taught
While hoping that in silence I could share my every thought
As if the precedence of proof was like a key I needed not

I fell beneath the light where all the amber fell to gray
Where questions I beheld, but not a word I chose to say
To eyes I never wished, for even once, to look away
But knew my every breath was always destined to betray
And so I waited til the moment past then asked if it could stay

But answers, so I see, and always have, are like a wing
Upon a fragile bird that never really learned to sing
And still, I try to pull and place the world upon a string
While knowing that the end result will obviously sting
Just know the only promise I can really make is not to promise anything