A part of us cowers
A part of us lingers
A part of us wonders
What happened and how
Did we get so much blood on our fingers

A part of us pushing
A part of us pulling
A part of us hoping
That part of our heart
With our words, we’re successfully fooling

A part of us pummels
A part of us gripping
A part of us standing
Like feet made of ice
As we try to move on without slipping

A part of us breaking
A part of us lying
A part of us holding
The dream of a dream
While the fire inside us is dying

A part of us killing
A part of us keeping
A part of us wishing
The strings of our hearts
Weren’t sad and so silently weeping

A part of us wanting
A part of us needing
A part of us saying
So much that it hurts
But it’s hard to hard to explain why we’re bleeding

A part of us writing
A part of us praying
A part of us thinking
“If only I knew
How to say what my lips aren’t saying”

A part of us mourning
A part of us trying
A part of us tired
And wishing to just
Say goodbye without feeling like crying


Sometimes I know the only way I’ll ever hope to win is if I cheat
And never do I mourn the loss of those who chose to honestly compete
All the same, I do lament when gifted with a well-deserved defeat
Because it means I failed, in both the competition and in my deceit

Sometimes I know the only way to make it out alive is to omit
And never do I feel remorse in using that deception, not a bit
And yet if you imply that I had lied, I get annoyed and throw a fit
Because if they’re the same then I’m a liar, and as well, a hypocrite

Sometimes I know the only way to feel I’m truly safe is if I hide
And not only my face, but also everything I’m holding deep inside
And so I keep it shadowed with omissions, and a smile growing wide
Like flowers on a grave to beautify the parts of me that slowly died


I’m holding you like broken glass
Inhaling you like smoke, alas
I’m soaking wounds in salt
“It’s all my fault”
I say in chokes and gasps
And all the while holding fast
Though why I never to know

I cling to you like rusted nails
My palms and fingers cut, impaled
Then dipped in kerosene
“I’m too unclean”
I scream and clutch to hell
But dream of you so much I fail
To fight the death below

I clutch you like a swarm of bees
My blood on fire, organs seize
Then into waters cast
“I’ll never last”
My voice a storm of pleas
And still, for you, I’m on my knees
My cries, regrets bestow

I need you like the blood I lost
When I decided “fuck the cost”
And sold my broken soul
“Just make me whole”
I said, “I’d gladly cross
Through glass and nails and bees and frost
To try to let you go…”


Was it a cross
Or just another feather on your heart
I’m at a loss
When you, much like the weather, just depart

Why do you speak
If you know that you’ll punish my reply
Why do I seek
Hello from one who banished my goodbye?

Was it the truth
Or merely a convenient turn of phrase?
Was there a use
Believing in a lenient turn of phase?

Was it a heart
You crossed the day you told me you forgive?
Was that the start
Of when we both became too cold to live?


I saw you through the lens of who I thought you were
With eyes so very certain
That the mirror – clearly curved –
Showed the whole and perfect version
Of reality that truth could not deter

With eyes that squinted far too much to clearly see
The glaring imperfections –
Tricks of light and heresy –
To make a road of false connections
Til I thought the flaw the mirror showed was  me

So like a warped reflection that was peering back
With features cold and callous
Wounded skin, all peeling – black
And capable of only malice
Every trait appealing, I so clearly lack

And never did I think the vision could’ve shown
That what I so reviled –
Not a figure of my own –
But more the cruelty of a smile
Given when you didn’t harvest what was sown


Perhaps you’ll wonder when
The song will finally start to end
And when the wound I rend
I’ll cease to scratch, and start to mend

I often wonder too
When, in me, there’ll be less of you
And just one waking view
Will see the light or see me through

Today was not the day
For sadly did my travels stray
To where I heard you say
For me, you feel a certain way

And haunted was I then
The wound, again, I couldn’t tend
For words, I couldn’t send
To ears you never choose to lend

Perhaps you wonder why
Still, over you, I choose to cry
And for your words, I vie
In lieu of just a swift goodbye

I often wonder too,
Why still I seek to find a clue
Just one to misconstrue
My worth and what I mean to you

Today is not the day
You’re still the song I choose to play
With hopes that you’ll allay
My woes with words you’ll never say

And haunted am I still
So often, in my daunted zeal
This wound of you is real
And I don’t know how I’m supposed to make it heal


Depression settles in
Like it’s sediment and sin
So does penitence recind
When the liniments of then
Are itinerant and thin
Not a semblance of a grin
While my innocence is penned
By the venom of the end

And where am I to go
When the terror and the woe
That the mirror ever shows
Ever clearer as the foe
Draws me nearer when I sow
All the error I bestow
It’ll bury me below
In a barrier of snow