Coin


This coin has, long ago, been stripped of pride
Left circling above for days
In orbit of a wishing well
The face upon the front – a kneeling man who seeks to pray
The back – a finger pressed to lips with words that say, “I’ll never tell”
And all the while, still I hoped to see it land upon its side

Or else behold it taken by a bird
Who either came to steal my luck
Or else to save me from its sting
To doom me with the feeling I’d remain forever stuck
Or else to give me cause to hope a better coin it meant to bring
And all the while, yes and no were both same – forbidden words

Eventually, the coin, it met the ground
It struck and then it ricocheted
It bounced and then began to roll
I chased it from a distance out of fear for what it’d say
But followed all the same because in truth, it was the final toll
Of passage and of mourning bells I knew, one day, would have to sound

And there I saw it slow and finally stop
Beside a painting faded gray
That not a soul would ever sell
The image of a kneeling man who knew not what to say
His eyes afraid to open as he tossed a coin into a well
And both of us, together, waited silently for both our coins to drop

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Live


Though oft I’ve felt that truly I have nothing left to give
That life’s an empty box that has ever closing lid
And all I have are dark reminders of the wretched things I did
I choose to live

Though oft I’ve seen my better moments draining through the sieve
Of frailty, fear, and fumbles that I try, but fail to rid
And though, for all the candles burning, shadows, still, are cast amid
I choose to live

Though oft I feel I’ve only matches when I need a bridge
And friend so often means a face that soon farewell will bid
And as I try to higher climb, you only see how far I slid
I choose to live

And though I’ve failures yet to come that many won’t forgive
And though I know my scars will never be forever hid
And though my best, to some, will still be met and married with “forbid”
I choose to live
I choose to live


Inspired by a line from “Gravity” by A Perfect Circle

Apprehension


I dreamt again last night, and there we were
Alone, yet not alone, within a room
Unlike the dreams before, this one was awkward and unsure
Or maybe darkness lay in wait, but morning came and I awoke too soon

You spoke to me, but heard, I, not a word
For how has it been since last we talked?
How long since you became the song, and I the wounded bird
How long since “could have been” was set upon the floor and lined in chalk?

Another passed and offered a remark
To which we met with looks I can’t recall
Did I, embarrassed, seem to blush, or was my visage stark?
And did you laugh or look away, or did you choose to not react at all?

It passed the same, and there again I rose
Within an empty room and silent home
Still wondering when, for you, dreams and words I’ll not compose
And fearing when that day arrives, I’ll honestly and truly be alone


First Dream, Second Dream

Redemption


I’d steal the sun to let you live a while
And lose the will to move to let you have another mile
But woes upon my shoulders
They cannot repair your smile
So the sun, it merely smolders
And we, motionless, remain in hushed denial

I’d burn the world to keep your heart from chilling
And brave the hurricanes in life to fix the pain you’re feeling
But seeking out tornadoes
Cannot stop your heart from stilling
Or repair your broken halo
So we watch the winter come, however willing

I’d break a million vows to save your promise
And wage a war of eons if it leads you where the calm is
But wounds of my endeavor
They cannot make you admonish
What was never mine to sever
So you slip away and still I act astonished

I’d die if just to know that you were living
And drown within our sins, however dark and unforgiving
But what I’d lose to save you
It cannot replace what’s missing
From the heart I never gave you
But I look into the sky, and all the same, continue wishing

 

Never


Light was dancing with you
As a flower in a forest safe from time
Holos and reflections of the dream I still pursue
Forever deaf to the objections
That I seek an end that never would be mine

Shadows seem to tell me –
As they coalesce and gather to reveal
The tilted recollections of the world I wish to see –
That I invented new connections
Out of fantasies that never would be real

I was walking by you
Like a river in a desert running dry
Dunes of dead affection met the death of morning dew
Leaving maps of old directions
To a citadel of never in the sky

Light was there and growing
Like a blossom that tomorrow had in store
Bound for resurrection without any way of knowing
It was your impure perfection
That had led me where I’d never been before

Elysium


Circle back to heaven on your wings of air and soar
To places I recall, for you and I were there before
Resting like a eulogy of hope that dared adore
As if an intersection where the sea and sun could share the shore

Drift into the wind as if a feather meant to fly
To consolations crafted like a letter sent reply
Held forever hovering as “whether” went to “why”
As exclamations made of you then punctuated the intent of I

Fall beyond the precipice that held your view to here
To places that are beautiful and skies are blue and clear
Made into the symphony I heard in lieu of fear
As if your words were an Elysium you granted me when you were near

Pull me through the shadows and the absent barren view
To valleys and to vistas long ago, for there we knew
The sky was never large enough to keep you where you flew
And all the same, I didn’t care as long as when you landed I was there with you

Lover


Ever more what none had been
More so than any other
Crucifix against the sin
As if some holy mother

With a mark upon my cheek
That wears your somber color
Lips, though parted, never speak
We, now, to one another

Even still, what couldn’t be
Like snow adrift in summer
With a glow I crave to see
In eyes that now you cover

Half an inch above the ground
Your aura seems to hover
All the same, my heart is bound
To you, my silent lover