Probity

I watched her walk away in fields of flowers
And still I had to ask myself, but why, and where, to whom now does she go?
I drank the seconds, smoked the minutes, and consumed the hours
And, even now, I fear I’ll never know

Where treading, no, she never left directions
And so I looked for symptoms like a sickness in a world that wasn’t ill
As if a hunter lost within a land of false connections
Or an addict looking for another pill

I watched her walk away but couldn’t follow
And not because I wouldn’t or I couldn’t, or I feared the trail ahead
I simply tried to fill the parts of me she left so hollow
And maps could never tell me where she led

Perhaps she flew or swam across an ocean
And left me, as so many have, and many more will likely seek to do
For even as I pen the words imbued with much emotion
I wonder just how much of it is ever really true

Advertisements

Intimation

I’m blind and so I blink
I’m bored and so I drink
I’ve not a word to say
And so I write them all in ink

I’m empty so I take
I’ve naught and so I make
I’ve not forgotten much
And so myself I must forsake

I’m numb and so I feel
I’ve much and so I steal
I’m cutting into veins
So I can tell you how to heal

I’m lost and so I wait
I’m luck deciding fate
I’ve so much to destroy
And so I need you to create

I’m yearning, so I say
I’ve nothing to relay
I’m offering you wings
Because I cannot fly away

I’m breaking and it shows
I’ve sacrificed repose
I’m giving up so you
Don’t have to see how the far the darkness truly goes

 

Aphelion

In the night I cannot see your eyes
So drunk on metaphors I wonder if I know your name at all
The stars are needles begging veins to rise
So many wordless definitions I don’t know which one I can’t recall

In the light, I cannot see your frown
So caught up writing eulogies I never got to see you live
The dawn was like a choir life had drown
So many notes submerged that there were only ever waves that I could give

In the end, I cannot see you cry
So worn out from the synonyms that never said a thing
An ocean made of wishes running dry
So many fingers broken for the right to wear another copper ring

At the start, I didn’t see you there
So busy writing elegies for what tomorrow wouldn’t hold
A truth that was afraid of every dare
So many answers given just to hide away the ones I never told

Answers

No answers here and truly, none shall be here anymore
And still, I’m drinking oceans for the shells along the shore
A cheap metal detector looking for a golden score
My fingers on the residue I wish I could ignore
But at the bottom, only two versions of two and two are four

I race along the apertures I made to leave behind
Where vis-a-vis and que sera sera are intertwined
Like words that gave an answer that I hoped you wouldn’t find
And eyelids try to close so that, to truth, I could be blind
Because I spoke a million words, but never really spoke my mind

The answers fail as surely as the bottle where I sought
New answers for a problem old I never should have bought
And looking, starry-eyed, at every lesson that was taught
While hoping that in silence I could share my every thought
As if the precedence of proof was like a key I needed not

I fell beneath the light where all the amber fell to gray
Where questions I beheld, but not a word I chose to say
To eyes I never wished, for even once, to look away
But knew my every breath was always destined to betray
And so I waited til the moment past then asked if it could stay

But answers, so I see, and always have, are like a wing
Upon a fragile bird that never really learned to sing
And still, I try to pull and place the world upon a string
While knowing that the end result will obviously sting
Just know the only promise I can really make is not to promise anything

Recompense

I see you in swamps and I cannot but rush to your side
Knowing, certainly, serpents are hiding there under the tide
And yet, without any regret do I follow
For life, without you, seems so terribly hollow
Like words from my lips lacking even an ear to confide

I see you in places you never existed at all
Like there in the midst of a desert, a cobblestone wall
And still, so approaching, I kneel for I need to
And say, with a heart hanging heavy, I need you
Like feet on the ledge of eternity destined to fall

I see you and hope that, in time, it’ll pass and become
No more than a shadow from days with an off-center sun
And yet, do I hope to forget ever wanting
The you that’s removed from the future I’m hunting
For hollow, it seems, such a victory, terribly won

I see you and all I recall are the reasons I need
To see you again, thinking naught of the cost that I feed
Nor care what had led me to where you were standing
Or what could become from the things you were planning
For, bowing to you was I willing to do like a creed

I see you, and maybe I shouldn’t, but always I will
As if an ellipsis that follows the word of until…
And so, without worry, and ‘lo in your travel
I follow and see that I slowly unravel
But love is a cost and I promised I’d settle the bill

Interpretation

Perhaps the poems I write for you are what my fingers trace
While following the scars upon a heart I can’t erase
The Morse code of the tapping tears that travel down your face
And so do I decipher them like sad binary code made from the burns of cigarettes and tattered lace

Perhaps the poems I write for you are raindrops in the wind
A book of lightning letters in the veins upon your skin
The prayer I wouldn’t say because for you I would’ve sinned
And so I search for you in all the words already written and inaccurately write them all again

Perhaps the poems I write for you or pressed upon your cheek
A record that my fingers play forever on repeat
The lines upon your lips that, when you’re silent, seem to speak
And so I deconstruct them into sentences and phrases like a secret that my heart could never keep

Perhaps the poems I write for you are what I choose to see
The memory of photographs that never came to be
The parts of you that led me to the better parts of me
And so I seek to paint them as a portrait of tommorow in the shades of every lost apology

Odysseus

Where did we fall when both we held to rain and rode the droplets to the earth?
When winds, in their assertions
Swept umbrellas from our fingers
‘Til on desert winds of warm desertion
Did we, like the notes from singers
Hope the hurricane was not a death, but just a song of new rebirth?

And did we clutch too longingly like thumbs on reddened eyes that echo tears?
And beg for but a mention
Of a thought of some tomorrow
Where the winds we tried to call redemption
And the light, we needn’t borrow
Like a loan made out of yesterdays we tried to sign away with years?

When did we turn to hours as if pillows neath a head of weighted words?
Where sleep was by attrition
And our waking was in folly
To a day of dread and cold admission
Set upon our hearth as holly
Did we press our lips to feathers as if want could turn us into birds?

Or did we just imagine that a dream of yew and aye could be a sea?
Where clipper ships and galleys
Were the years we tried to capture
Like a peakĀ in this, a world of valleys
Something more than simple rapture
Did we shackle these, our wrists of want, to promises of “Maybe it could be?”