Looking now, it seems as though I’m truly all alone
Within a home I never wanted
More a drone than anyone is
An expression always blank, as if I carved it out of stone
Walking in a world that always says, “You could have flown…”
And with a groan, I simply shamble
Falling prone, within the brambles
Hearing words that seem to guarantee I’ve no way to atone
For anything I’ve done, or for the seeds already sown
And to the bone, I’m feeling empty
Ever thrown, and never gently
As it seems my very world is but the interest on a loan
Looking now it seems there’s no escaping what was shown
Or what is known to be the ending
In the gloam that I’m descending
On a spiral that would lead me to an oubliette or throne
Had consequence prevailed
As light from errant comet tails
That left a trail when flying by
Like lovers, shy and showing frail
Would that have meant the more
Than when I earnestly implore
A word before the final die
Is thrown and I seek to restore
The confidence to hold
Unto your worth what little gold
I haven’t sold when trading my
Belief for lies I never told
And see you yet again
As if a star that must ascend
And thus attend to newer skies
Where you and I are better penned
Would consequence allay
The path of moons now gone astray
And show the way for us to try
To turn goodbye into the moment that we paused
For there was so much more to say
I felt a shore prepared to drink the tide
And dreamt a dream forever meant for two
And even with my shadows set aside
How much of me was merely cut from you?
I watched a window covered in the frost
Of winters long ago, but never knew
How many rivers for you I would cross
So how do I decide what’s really true?
I held to you, a feather, like a wing
As if the gift of flight you could imbue
Then found a ledge and leapt to hear you sing
But now I see you never really flew
I swam beneath the oceans of belief
That moving on was really moving through
But now I fear I know of no relief
So with a word, or maybe even two
Could you finally tell me what to do?
Where was my armor when facing the blade of your loneliness?
The river of reason that wound through the glade
Of impedance? The promises made?
Where was the altar I needed to pray when you told me this:
“Sweet your intention but dark your attention, now venomous
A beautiful, blooming, but toxic bouquet
Of addiction you swiftly display.
Woefully willing to worship as if I, your benefice.”
Where were my words when I needed them most to explain to you
The moments and meaning I meant to convey
Like an oath, I knew not how to say.
Why was there sun in my sonnet when only the rain would do?
Where was your kindness and gentle accord when I needed it?
Where was the triage I needed to heal?
Were the wounds that I felt even real?
Were you Persephone‘s spring, and I simply conceded it?
What do you propose we do
When news and olds, now duly sold
Are now between the far and few,
The parts, we too, have left untold
Where intimacy grew?
What do I intend to say
To sway the end, and stay your friend
When long ago you fought to stray.
You got your way, erased the when
Of this old summer day.
What did I assume to find
Reminding you of why’s and who’s?
As if my words or simple rhymes
Could shift your mind, so I, you’d choose
For dreams left undefined
Sadly, nothing here can grow
For lows appear my chosen mirror
And all the parts of me you know
You see, and so, it’s wholly clear
You see no lights below
I closed my lips a final time
Let whispers of your name
Become the rhyme
I never hoped to tame
With wishes cold as mine
I sealed them with a bit of wax
Impressed them with a mark
That seemed to match
Your color growing stark
Caressed in gold and black
I closed my eyes, but only twice
To see you standing there
And I, the devil‘s snare,
Would be your sacrifice
You sealed it with a little kiss
A lie of evermore
You wouldn’t miss
The one you now ignore
Who died in this abyss
‘Lo, she was equipped
With perfect lips
And so I begged of her a kiss
And then a million more
Plus one, I must insist
Hold, did I, a blade
The one I made
Of all the words we once forbade
Though it could win a war
Within a sheath, it stayed
Frozen, all the same
I so became
The very hand of growing blame
For all I had in store
I lost it all the same
‘Lo, she was the muse
I feared to choose
And even now, I stand confused
A heart forever sore
A pain, I fear, I’m terrified to lose