Reduce


You’re gone, and then you’re back again
You’re back, and then you’re gone
Reduce your words by lacking pen
The hourglass you fractured then
But swirling grains of you, I’ve seen before, they never linger long

You’re smiling, and then you frown
You’re laughing, then you cry
Reduce your presence and your sound
I search for clues upon the ground
This swirling hurricane of you, assures me I’m a fool to try

You’re silent, then you raise your voice
You talk, then lose your tongue
Reduce your given praise of choice
A message I, in pain, rejoice
This swirling paradox of you are songs I should’ve never sung

You’re open, then you close a door
You’re back, but never here
Reduce the light you showed before
Til I can see there’s snow in store
The swirling thoughts of you become a blizzard wherein nothing seen is clear
Reducing visibility until, there in the white, I disappear

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Bade


Defend yourself with silence
Use averted eyes as armor
Use disconsolation as your holy blade

So even as my eyes wince
At the phantom pains of harm you’re
Left as echoes of the song you slowly played

Append the words with droplets
Putting points above your commas
Til continuation meets a growing pause

Til lines that offered couplets
Turned to null each new nirvana
Where your vines of gray were white when sowing laws

Ascend your self-defiance
As your hurt denies the karma
Of the wants that never were so wholly made

As I, in cold compliance
Rest inside the hollow arms of
The imaginary love you coldly bade

Bury


I did just what you told me
And I buried all the bones
Beneath the gravel and the dirt
I dug and dug until it hurt
I threw them in, and left them coldly;
Walked away alone

I did as you requested
And I hid the evidence
I burned the messages we shared
I burned them all, not one I spared
And swore, “From this, I’ve since divested”
Words of mere pretense

I did what you required
And I cleared the old debris
I scrubbed away the drying blood
And any word that spoke of love
I tossed it all into a fire
Where you couldn’t see

I did what needed doing
And I buried my concern
I dug a grave and tossed inside
The moment when my smile died
I killed the us I’d been pursuing
Chose to let it burn

Sunflower


I turned a page, and closed a book
I looked
The other way
And took a breath with only half duress
Dismay,
I took
And placed it on a shelf
And hid it half within a crook

I set the record still to hear
A tear
A growing hush
And with an ache for every damn mistake
I’m crushed
And here
I fail to ask myself
“How long until I disappear?”

But you return like echoes cast
A past
I can’t forget
A set of notes that lingers and evokes
Regrets
Amassed
For either what I’ve earned
Or what I’ve simply failed to ask

Yet every time I think I’m done
You’re gone
You’re far away
And I can breathe a sigh of some relief
I stay
I’m drawn
Compelled to thus return
As if a flower to your sun

Sentiment


Dead and cold
Skin
Is leaden, old,
When,
In dread, I’m told
I’m led and sold
By this
Regret I hold

I persist…
Descend
A lifeless tryst
To end
Goodbye, Mistress
Should I insist
Of you
A final kiss
And if so…
When?

Life is still,
New…
Strife and ills:
True.
Knife and pills…
You…
Might just kill
The light I feel
Few
Strike or heal
My heart
Just like you do

Bloodletting


Sometimes I need to hurt myself to know
If any part of me is still alive
Or maybe just to know I can survive
Or that I have heart and when I’m cut there’s blood to flow
Or maybe I just like to play with knives

Sometimes I need to hurt you just to see
If any part of you was really there
Or maybe just to see what you can bare
Or if, when you get injured, you still bleed the same as me
Or maybe it’ll prove you really care

Sometimes I need to hurt so I can tell
If any part of me is really real
Or maybe just to see if I can feel
Or just to see how far away I am from being well
Or if there’s something left in me to heal

Sometimes I need to hurt and so do you
And maybe that’s the reason that we try
To see if we can make the other cry
Or maybe to connect through all the pain we’ve suffered through
Or maybe we just realized that bleeding out was faster than goodbye

Happy


I grabbed a tube of makeup
And I painted on a smile
And I asked you
Are you happy yet?
I let it fade a while
And I asked you
Am I happy yet?

I used a tattoo needle
Made it look like I was grinning
And I asked you
Are you happy yet?
Saw the ink was thinning
And I asked you
Am I happy yet?

I grabbed a rusty razor
Cut a mouth that’s always laughing
And I asked you
Are you happy yet?
Saw the scars were lasting
And I asked you
Am I happy yet?

I tried to say goodbye
And hold my tongue, and keep from asking
“If I leave
Will you be happy then?”
Hid the pain I’m masking
And I wondered
“When can I happy, then?”